Wandering for Beauty: Leaving the Wolf Who Doesn't Love Me

During my postoperative check-up, a fire broke out in the hospital. I was so frightened that I instinctively reached out for Dominic ——my mate and the Alpha of the Moonriver Pack, only to realize he wasn't there.

It turned out that my mate’s immediate reaction was to rush to the next ward where his childhood friend, Courtney Hamilton, was being treated.

Fortunately, the doctor and the nurses helped me out of the fire area.

However, my wolf couldn’t help shouting in frustration when she saw his mate carrying Courtney not far beside me without feeling guilty.

On the way home, I opened one of social media, X, and saw Courtney posted a photo with the caption that read, “Thank you for saving me. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you, my Alpha.”

Then, as if not satisfied, she also uploaded a photo on WhatsApp which showed a little of my husband's worried face.

I casually commented, [I wish you two happiness together.]

Later,I maintained my composure, packing my belongings without a tear or outburst.

Then Dominic cried, begging me not to go.

Chapter 1

During my postoperative check-up, a fire broke out in the hospital. I was so frightened that I instinctively reached out for Dominic ——my mate and the Alpha of the Moonriver Pack, only to realize he wasn't there.

It turned out that Dominic’s immediate reaction was to rush to the next ward where his childhood friend, Courtney Hamilton, was being treated.

A week ago, when Courtney came back to the Moonriver Pack after having a big fight with her husband because he was caught cheating behind her back.

What was more, she had already had a four years-old son from the marriage, so my husband started caring more about her than I started from that day.

Every time Courtney needed his help, he always wanted to help even though he still had a lot of work to do in the office. After all, he was an Alpha of the Mooriver Pack.

Bur now, once again my husband, Alpha Dominic Callahan, chose his childhood friend more than his own mate.

I thought that after I had an accident and lost my unborn child, he would care more about my safety, but it turned out my expectation was too high. Fortunately, the doctor and the nurses helped me out of the fire area.

However, my wolf couldn’t help shouting in frustration when she saw his mate carrying Courtney not far beside me without feeling guilty.

“Let’s get divorce!”

I came to my senses and urged her to calm down, because there was no point in being angry at that time, after all everything had passed and I was also safe.

“Please don’t misunderstand us, Lucinda. Dom came to me first because I had sprained my ankle yesterday, what’s more I have gastritis,” Courtney said when she saw me coming.

After taking a breath, I answered in a calm tone, “Yeah, I understand. I am fine and healthy so that I can run by myself.”

“Dom, you should apologize too. Even if you are in a hurry, you should prioritize her first,” Courtney said while punching his shoulder lightly.

So, Dominic asked in the end, “Sorry, Lucinda. Are you okay?”

It was actually the first time he apologized first after getting together for three years. But I didn’t know why I felt embarrassed.

Did he really need Courtney to urge him to apologize? Couldn't he do it on his own?

I couldn’t help but answer shortly, “I am good.”

Fortunately, the fire was quickly handled, so only part of the ER area was affected.

Soon, the patients were asked to return to the ward.

Dominic said he would take Courtney back to her room and accompanied her for a while, so I immediately said that I wanted to go back home first.

On the way home, I opened one of social media, X, and saw Courtney posted a photo with the caption that read, “Thank you for saving me. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you, my Alpha.”

Then, as if not satisfied, she also uploaded a photo on WhatsApp which showed a little of my husband's worried face.

Even when I knew Dominic chose to stay at the hospital, a surprising sense of detachment came over me. I suddenly realized that his presence or absence barely affected my emotions anymore. I didn't feel as sad when he wasn't around.

Perhaps, it happened because I started to know the truth that I was just a replacement.

At home, I prepared dinner as always. But even after the sun had set and day turned into night, there was no sign of Dominic returning.

Suddenly, my mobile rang. A message came from my husband.

[Dominic: Sorry, I have to accompany Courtney tonight.]

I did not answer nor questioned him more about it, I only ate the dinner in silence.

On the next day, when I ate my breakfast, I happened to see Courtney X's post again.

It was a photo of her with a candy apple in the familiar front passenger seat of Dominic's car. The caption read, “Thanks for the candy apples, my Alpha.”

My fingers hovered motionless over the screen.

Chapter 2

I didn’t have any appetite anymore and went to my room to continue my part-time work as a graphic designer.

I used to be so busy with my job. But when I knew that I was pregnant, I just accepted one client for a week.

However, that day, I decided to accept as many as I could to distract my wolf who seemed disturbed by Courtney’s post.

But not long after, the study was opened and my husband huging my as if nothing happened, which made my wolf calm for a moment.

“Lucinda, Courtney invited us to dinner. She said she wanted to thank me for saving her and thank you for letting me take care of her last night, would you come?” Dominic asked.

Before I could answer, my wolf had answered in my mind first, “Why did he say her name again? Reject it, Lucinda!”

However, I refused to follow her and answered, “Sure, why not?”

Because of that, my wolf seemed to hate me, but then I had an idea to satisfy her.

When we got to the restaurant, Lucinda had been waiting inside. But then I noticed the table set for two. Should I not come then?

However, Dominic, without even thinking about it, motioned the waiter to bring an extra set of utensils and pulled out a chair for me as he always did when we dined out.

As soon as the dish was beautifully presented, Courtney said with a smile, “Lucinda, you must be very scared at that time. After you lose the baby in your belly, a fire happened at the check-up place. I even had a panic attack after that.”

I only smiled to answer her chit chat. But then Dominic asked, as if he just remembered, “Oh my Goddess, I am sorry, I forgot to ask how you are. What were the results of the check up?”

“Nothing important,” I answered briefly.

Then Courtney suddenly interrupted. She asked, “Dom, how could you forget about it? Naughty Alpha.”

“We should go home now,” Dominic said, then he asked Courtney, “You come with us?”

“Sure.”

When the three of us were in Dominic’s car, I suddenly brought up Courtney’s Twitter Post.

“Oh! You posted a photo with a candy apple here, right?”

“Dominic has a mild case of germophobia, so he will never let me eat in his car. I envy you, Courtney.”

As I said that, I paused for a moment, trying to catch the look on her face.

“No, it’s not like that, Lucinda. I bought a candy apple for a returning gift from the hospital. She didn’t eat here,” Dominic explained.

Then Courtney looked apologetic and said, “Lucinda, Dom and I have known each other since we were kids. We’re like siblings. Please don’t be jealous because of that.”

“Yeah, you know, I only see Courtney as a sister,” Dominic continued.

I just nodded my head and decided to sleep along the road.

The next morning, I went to the market to buy daily necessities.

Just when I finished my meal, Dominic sent me a message.

[Dominic: Where are you going without preparing my clothes first? I have an important meeting today.]

I used to prepare everything for Dominic.

At first, I was willing since I thought it was Luna’s duty, but after three years, I increasingly felt like a caretaker, so I became indifferent to it, especially after Courtney came.

[Lucinda: Just choose whatever you want, it’s all in the closet.]

After replying to the message, I decided to go shopping. But when I just chose some, a slight deja vu came to my mind.

Dominic and I were used to buying daily necessities at the market. In fact, the Pack members always called us the most romantic couple in the Moonriver Pack just because we always went out to dinner every night in our first year of marriage.

People also often envied me, saying I was lucky to have won over someone as powerful as Dominic. After all, he was an Alpha, his position was highly respected in the Pack.

But then I snapped back to reality and chose to focus on shopping.

Before I knew it, the sky had turned dark.

Suddenly, my phone rang. It was Dominic’s call.

“Why aren’t you home yet?” he asked as soon as I received it.

“I’ll come back late, still have many things to do.”

I didn’t lie or deliberately lingered outside so as not to meet him at home, but I was really lost in my own thoughts that day until I forgot several important things that had to be bought.

But Dominic complained, “I haven’t had dinner. How about having dinner together? I’ll go there, just tell me where you are.”

I sighed and answered in the end, “Fine, I’ll wait at the restaurant where we usually have dinner.”

After hanging up our call, I bought some things that were most needed first and used a taxi to go to the restaurant.

However, when I came, it turned out that Dominic didn’t come alone. He had already waited inside with Cortney and her son, Vernon.

I couldn’t help murmuring, “Why asked me to come if you already have your partner?”

Then my wolf answered in my mind, “It’s so annoying to see them like a happy family of three. Should I punch that woman?”

I was stunned to hear that, so I answered her, “No need, let’s go home.”

But before I could step out of the restaurant, Dominic saw me and called, "Lucinda, here."

I couldn't help but walk towards them and show my fake smile.

"When I came out, I met Courtney and Vernon. So, I took them to dinner," he explained.

I nodded, but when I wanted to sit, Vernon asked, “Daddy, who is she?”

Daddy?

I was shocked when Vernon called Dominic his father, as well as my wolf that had been grumbling in my mind.

Chapter 3

Suddenly, Courtney interrupted, “Sorry, Lucinda. Vernon is still young and doesn't understand. What’s more, his dad and I often have dinner together, so maybe he thinks it’s like what he always did before.”

With a brief nod toward them, I turned to look at Dominic. My voice, once filled with simmering anger, was then laced with indifference when said, "Yes, you're right. A child needs a father figure. Maybe you should spend more time with them, Dominic."

Then I chose to leave, but then Dominic chased me.

“Lucinda, wait. You’re upset about that, I understand, but he is just a child,” Dominic explained in an apologetic tone.

“Of course, I understand. They must've been through a lot. So, you better have dinner with them instead of me now," I answered calmly.

But Dominic seemed dissatisfied with my answer and asked angrily, “What's that supposed to mean? What's your attitude?”

“I said I understand!”

Many people seemed curious about our argument. Somehow, I felt like I was the third person between Dominic and Courtney, so I decided to leave and went back home in a taxi.

After arriving at the Moonriver Pack, my wolf urged me to shapeshift. So, I directly agreed.

Then, she ran and howled through the forest as fast as we could.

She must be in great pain at that moment.

After all the anger, I returned home and decided to lock myself in the study and finish the project that was sent by my clients.

At 11, I heard Dominic got home but he didn’t do anything. So, I thought we started our silent treatment as always.

On the next day, I purposely went out after Dominic went to work.

After breakfast, I decided to go to the park because I felt bored with the situation at home.

But lucky me, I saw Courtney with her friends still chatting there. Then, because of my wolf’s hearing, I could hear all of the conversation clearly.

“Luna Lucinda is just too sensitive. Maybe it's because she just lost her unborn child, so she is psychologically tired.”

“Yes, you should not feel upset about it, Courtney.”

Then, Courtney said in tears, “But you said that she already knew about my relationship with Dominic before I got married, right? I am afraid that she misunderstands that.”

“As far as I know, she is just aware that both of you are childhood friends.”

“Yeah, no one told her that Alpha Callahan used to pursue you before you got married and even came to your husband’s Pack to meet you.”

What?

Dominic used to pursue Courtney before she got married to her mate?

But a month after Courtney’s marriage, he pursued me and proposed to me.

I indeed did not know about their story before moving to the Moonriver Pack, since I came from another Pack. But I did not expect that Dominic and Courtney used to be in love like that.

Since I was a Beta’s daughter of the Saturnfest Pack, my family and I were invited to the Alpha's celebration of the coming age.

Usually, we were deliberately introduced to expand connections and also looked for a mate. After all, 16 years old was the mature age for a werewolf when usually they would get their own wolf and start meeting their mate.

I still remembered Dominic’s 16th birthday party banquet. It was a grand event, filled with laughter, dancing, and the energy of teenagers.

That night was also a special night for me, because it was the first time my wolf encountered her mate, Dominic’s wolf.

I felt an inexplicable bond, a magnetic pull toward him. However, to my dismay, Dominic seemed oblivious to the connection, ignoring the reaction entirely.

At the time, it did not make sense to me. But not long after, he pursued me and proposed to me, so I never thought about it anymore.

Then, after I moved over to the Moonriver Pack, I got to know if Dominic had a childhood friend who was a Beta’s daughter like me.

Later, I knew that her name was Courtney. But she moved over to the other Pack after marrying her mate.

The thing that I did not know was that Courtney’s decision shattered Dominic's heart. Then, he tried to pursue her and came to the other Pack just to meet her.

Then, I totally believed that he failed to get her back, because a month after Courtney’s wedding, he turned his attention to me.

I was even shocked when I saw him come to my Art School and bring a bouquet of flowers to propose to me.

But I had been in love with him from the moment I saw him at his 16th birthday banquet, so when he began to pursue me, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world and directly said yes.

A year after, Dominic and I got married, then I moved to the Moonriver Pack, leaving behind my home in the Saturnfest Pack.

Actually, since I thought we were in love with each other, I never bothered about Dominic and Courtney’s friendship. After all, she already moved to another Pack.

But starting from that day, when I knew it was actually a love story, my heart broke into pieces.

No wonder when Courtney came back to the Moonriver Pack, Dominic started to give her all of his care.

I took a deep breath and gripped the nearby trees since it dawned on me that I had never been in his heart.

However, when I got home, I did not expect that Dominic would also be there. After all, it was still 11 in the afternoon while he always got home at 5 in the evening.

When he saw me, he suddenly called out my name, "Lucinda."

Then, he sounded like he was in pain when said, "My... my stomach hurts."

I just nodded and wanted to go to the study again, after all we were still in silent treatment and everything was not clear enough.

But suddenly he grabbed my hand and demanded, "Lucinda, why don't you care anymore? You used to be concerned when I was ill. You will even make porridge and give me medicine."

He was right, that was indeed the old me. I would always spoil him since I loved him so much.

But at that time, I did not even feel sad or anxious when he said that his stomach hurt. I thought, everything that I used to do in the past started to lose and gone.

Seeing me did not answer, Dominic was speechless.

His calm tone changed to anger. He shouted, “Lucinda, how long are you going to keep arguing with me about Courtney?

“When you are angry about the fire, I have explained and apologized.

“For that candy, it’s just a misunderstanding. As for last night, I told you that he is just a kid, so he slipped.

“I've told you repeatedly that there's nothing between us. So, if there’s something else on your mind, we need to discuss it instead of ignoring each other.”

"Oh, okay," I said calmly, a stark contrast to his anger.

Chapter 4

“What? How could you just answer shortly?” Dominic shouted louder after hearing my answer.

So, I couldn’t help telling him about the thing I heard that morning, “What should I say then? Should I argue about you pursuing Courtney before and after her marriage?”

Dominic seemed confused when he heard that. He asked innocently, “What do you mean, Lucinda?”

“You must feel easy because you think I don't know anything about you and Courtney, right?

“But the truth is, after moving to the Moonriver Pack, the thing I always heard is only about you and Courtney’s relationship.

“Do you know what Courtney was talking about with her friends at the park? They discussed your and Courtney's relationship after she got married, when you were willing to go to another Pack just to meet Courtney.”

After hearing my explanation, Dominic’s voice sounded heavy when he answered, “That’s all in the past.”

Then before he continued his answer, Dominic’s face darkened slightly, “Back then, I didn’t understand my own feelings, but trust me, I only see Courtney as my sister. We have been together since we were kids.”

“That’s why I say I understand!” I yelled, since I had been tired by the same answer he always said. The fact was I didn’t care if Courtney was his friend or his sister, because I had been upset with him since then.

“She is your childhood friend, the only one you consider as your own sister.

“Then, she met her own mate, you met your own mate, but the two of you are confused by each other's feelings.

“After that, she married, you married, and here we are now in….”

Realizing I was saying too much, I clenched my jaw. If I said that I didn’t like Courtney, I was afraid the argument would never see the ending.

At that time, my wolf also said in my mind, “Let’s clear our mind first, Lucinda. It’s too hurt to see him in our state right now. How about continuing your project in the study?”

Then I sighed and closed my eyes. I could feel that Dominic’s grab was getting too loose, so I let go of his hand and turned to leave.

But he grabbed me again before I could go to the stairs to go to my study.

At that moment, his voice was low, as if he was also tired of our argument. He said, “Lucinda, even if we have issues, you could tell me. We could work through them calmly.”

“I feel exhausted.”

Hearing my answer, Dominic started to loosen his grab again. He might have known that I didn’t want to discuss it anymore, so he let me go and said, “Fine, I’ll give you a moment to cool down.”

Before, I expressionlessly pulled my hand away, I could see that his eyes reddened slightly. But I didn’t feel guilty at all.

Maybe, in the first year of our marriage, I couldn't bear to see him sad because of me. But then, everything started to change, even though I didn’t know when exactly was the time that my heart didn’t call his name again.

I actually wanted to stay in the study until tomorrow morning. But when it was midnight, I felt hungry, so I couldn’t help getting out of the room and went to the kitchen to cook something.

To my surprise, when I went downstairs, I saw Dominic preparing something. There was cake, a bouquet of flowers, and also gifts on the dining table, which made me wonder what it was all for.

But before I could find the answer, Dominic already noticed my presence and smiled while saying, “Happy Anniversary, my Luna.”

However, my expression at that time was not happy by the surprise given by Dominic. I was just showing a flat expression, as if I couldn't believe Dominic would think of that at a time like this.

A few hours ago, we had a big fight, it could even be said that the problem wasn't resolved yet. But how could he suddenly act as if everything was fine and give me such a surprise?

As far as I remember, Dominic also didn't really like events like that either.

It was still clear in my memory when he said it was too much when I celebrated our first wedding anniversary.

Even though I meticulously planned dinners and carefully chose decorations, driven by a desire to celebrate and cherish our time together to show him how much he meant to me, he didn’t appreciate it.

So, from that moment on, I tried to suppress the thought of celebrating.

Seeing my confusion, Dominic asked in an upset tone, “Lucinda, did you forget that today is our wedding anniversary?

“Well, yesterday we did have a big fight, even filled with misunderstandings, but today is past midnight and it was our wedding day three years ago.”

I mumbled, “Oh, sorry. It slipped my mind.”

Dominic was stunned for a moment before replying, “But you used to care about this the most before? How could you forget?”

He was right.

In the past, whether it was our wedding anniversary or his birthday, I never forgot.

Even though we didn’t celebrate it, I would be the first one who expressed it and gave a small gift, not a big celebration as before.

However, I totally forgot that time.

Suddenly, he came closer to hug me and said, “These days problems must make you upset, right? I’m sorry. I promise you will come first. I will keep my distance from Courtney, okay?

“So, how about we try the cake and open the present? I promise you will like it.”

I just nodded.

Even though my heart was still not sure if he would put me first before Courtney's needs, I was tired of arguing about the same thing, so I just followed his wish that time.

However, when I was about to open the present, his phone rang.

It was Courtney’s call.

Chapter 5

Dominic tried to ignore it and asked me to continue.

But the call didn’t stop, she even sent him a message repeatedly.

“That’s fine, Dominic. You better answer it first, I think it's an important call,” I said in a low tone.

“Alright,” he answered. But when he was about to take his phone, Dominic said to me , “Thank you.”

After a moment, Dominic said again in panic, "Fever? Do you have any medicine?

"I can't take you to the hospital today, you know that I have something to do.”

He was lowering her tone when saying that, but it was useless for my werewolf’s hearing. My wolf in my mind was also said, “He better not leave again this time, or we will be the ones out of his life forever”

I was shocked to hear my wolf threat.

It was not that she was never angry with Dominic or his wolf, but my wolf really loved his mate and felt that they would be together forever.

So, her attitude at that time made me very confused.

When I was wondering, Dominic’s voice came again to my ear. He said, “What? That high? Okay, wait for me. I'll be right over."

Dominic ended the call and turned to me, his eyes reflecting a blend of awkwardness and an unreadable emotion.

He told me with a feeling of guilt, "Lucinda, it is about Courtney’s son. He has a fever. I need to...."

Facing Dominic's worried look, I felt sad and my eyes were slightly red.

But I replied, my voice surprisingly monotone, "It's fine, you should go. The child is more important."

“Sorry,” he said before taking his jacket and car key, leaving me alone with the half-eaten cake and a gift that I hadn’t even opened.

After a sighed, I finished the cake while using my phone.

I actually wanted to find some funny videos, but ended up in Courtney’s post again.

She posted a photo of a jewelry store, but in the mirror, I could see Dominic’s shadow. The caption read, “Buying new jewelry is an escape mechanism from a problem. Thank you, my Alpha.”

Then I noticed if the gift box he gave me before had the same name as the jewelry store in Courtney's post.

Could it be that he bought it with Courtney?

It turned out that after our argument, he went on a date with her.

The fact struck me like lightning. I had poured so much effort into this relationship, something that seemed so easy for others to let slip through their fingers.

So, I made a sudden decision to leave him and went to my parent’s house in the Saturnfest Pack.

My wolf tried to prevent me, but I said in tears that I couldn’t hold it anymore, so she let me go and kept silent in my mind.

But before I opened the door, I left a note that read, “I need to go to the Saturnfest Pack.”

I didn’t write the reason nor when I would come back, since I also didn’t know the answer either.

The trip to Saturnfest Pack was around four hours, plenty of time to gather my thoughts. But halfway through, my phone buzzed with a notification. It was a tweet from Courtney.

She posted a photo of Dominic helping her with her feverish son. The caption was still the same as always, it read, "Thank you again, my Alpha. You help me so much,"

Well, maybe it was for the best. After all, it was Alpha’s duty to help its Pack members, right?

Thinking of that, I turned off my phone and wanted to open my laptop to continue working on my project.

But then I realized if it was left on the table when I wrote the notes.

Damn it!

It was due that day and there was no way I could proceed without it.

With a heavy sigh, I asked the taxi driver, “Sorry, could you turn around? I left my thing behind.”

By the time we turned around, the sun was already rising, casting a pale light on my mounting worries.

So, since I should tell the client that I might submit it a little bit late, I turned on my mobile again.

Soon, my phone started ringing incessantly.

There were dozens of missed calls from Dominic. One WhatsApp message after another popped up also on the screen.